The art of dealing with a broken heart
For many people, the devastating, obsessive, nature of a broken heart is a complete surprise. You have a sense of having been physically shattered, right in the middle of the chest.
Exposed inside the fairy tale of wonders wherein we disguise our incompetencies and failures to endorse a face that isn't us. Rather It's an unpaid employee of societal norms working with us from the day we give a thought about what people think about us. Heartbreaks are very common in the world but there’s no manual to deal with it and if the heartbreak is in times of covid where there’s no space to vent your pain and you have to continuously act like, Ranbir Kapoor in the auto in the Channa Mareya song.
No poetry and music can heal the pain of losing out someone who you thought of as irreplaceable.
Here comes the first realization, no one in the world can’t be replaced. It’s the mind space that has to be put right. The heart is a very idiot space and so is the world outside. In the world of Arijit Singh and B praak and Jani duo, it’s really hard to move on, the moment you feel you are going to be doing great, Jani hits you hard with some words that you feel was written for you. Then there’s Arijit everywhere who makes you feel even more desperate and if you are a guy like me and in love with Indi bands, songs of liffa, Faridkot, yellow diary and Local train talk too much.
Sometimes we are so much in our bubble world that we forget that there’s a world outside. These bubbles are our school and college life, where we over-commit and let ourselves promise things we aren’t even prepared for.
When someone tells you about the stupidity you bring along in a relationship initially you feel cute about it later on that same stupidity is poison for you. You can’t same and different two personalities. I wasn’t a guy who should commit things but I do. I was never prepared for this although being born in an institution where you are demanded to make friendships and have relationships to maintain the machismo of being cool. You jump into it and when you realize it’s too late to come out of it. Your feelings get involved. Creating a space for distrust in future for both resulting in high magnitude earthquake along the fault lines and get collapsed like the hoover dam in San Andreas with no Dwayne Johnson to save you out of the flash flood of pain and anger that it brings along with it.
For many people, the devastating, obsessive, nature of a broken heart is a complete surprise. You have a sense of having been physically shattered, right in the middle of the chest.
Heartbreaks put our mind out of control. I binge-watched Mindhunter and 5 Seasons of suits to not even think of anything and completed Pushyamitra’s Ruktapur the last night in a single sitting. I have started having trouble sleeping and watch anything to get myself out of the mind space to not think about an individual. The best way to do it is to switch off from the social media world which will force you to act like a psycho ex and get back to a person who is unlikely to commit. In my case, I am a victim of my crime and it’s a kind of passenger’s let her go situation where you are trying to get someone out of a sinking ship to save that person. Not exactly like jack and rose not even close although metaphorically it can be not figuratively.
All heartbreaks bring a lot of self-indulging questions and a lot of introspection along which in my case is why I am a frequent compulsive liar. I have started taking help over it and am working on it. This part about breakups is helpful where you are questioned about yourself and you work yourself out but that’s part of a big plan like this year Rcb had chances of winning IPL, part of a big plan but the execution is always hindered by multiple factors. You can no longer count on yourself to make it through. You feel like Ashok Dinda in yourself always full of doubts and unwanted confidence even after thrashed multiple times.
The next part of troubling with heartbreaks is associations. Everyone and everything you encounter becomes a part of your loss, sadness and shame. A casual good morning feels like a snooty taunt, forgetting to switch turn on the gas and letting milk burn is testimony to you having been born under a bad sign and every single couple in every movie, song, and television show points out either the impossible beauty of love (if they’re happy) or the inevitability of it blowing on your face (if they are not). The whole planet mirrors your sorrow and there’s nowhere to hide. Even you start to relate with Jhetalal missing Daya in tmkoc. Everything becomes personal letting the world turn upside down.
As it turns out, you’ll see that all this it’s excellent news.
When this particular relationship ended, I realized that the aches and pain I have experienced in the past had been like summer rain compared to a tsunami. They were not the same thing at all. When the other relationship ended, sure I cried and hated myself, her and lost interest in getting involved with someone again. But when this one ended, I just didn’t cry, mope and lost interest in everything I was doing - my entire world fell apart. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what my life meant and I wasn’t sure I would recover from it. When all your Google photos are full with her with a reminder of every great day you have had in past.
I have indulged myself with books and work but despaired of ever finding a way to integrate my interests and discoveries into daily life. The moment isn’t when you recovering it’s having the idea that what you had in the first place will be replaced and it’s inevitable and that moment will be inconsolable and full of jealousy. Having that very idea is scary enough but to watch it being executed is more dreadful.
The pain of heartbreak today brings the pain of all heartbreaks together beginning from the beginning.
Then in my readings, I happen to pick this book that said,
The experience of a sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness. Conventionally, being fearless, means that you are not afraid that if someone hits you, you will hit him back. But your fearlessness is a product of your tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up without resistance or shyness and face the world. If a person doesn’t feel alone and sad, he cannot be a spiritual warrior at all.
For the first time, I read something that made sense and had me talking to myself to use this force into something constructive. This sadness meant something. It could lead to something beautiful. It was encouraging to have found something useful which I had been thinking of as problematic.
Heartbreak could be a source of power. I realized instead of trying to toughening up I could appreciate my softness. Instead of trying to stem the tears, I could drive into them and let the current carry me.
I realized, in the end, it’s all the act of letting go. After all, if you try to prevent strong emotion, you are always on the defensive. If you never put up your guard in the first place, you have nothing to defend and therefore nothing to worry about.
I learned that what I thought were the worst thing about me were the best. Acceptance, meditation and opening about it is the best way to come out of it. You have to create a space for self-love to help you learn from pain and move on emotionally.
नया इक रिश्ता पैदा क्यूँ करें हम
बिछड़ना है तो झगड़ा क्यूँ करें हम
ख़मोशी से अदा हो रस्म-ए-दूरी
कोई हंगामा बरपा क्यूँ करें हम